Memories
by Come-Along-Williams
Summary: Ryan thinks back on his life with him and Speed as brothers
1. Chapter 1

_Have you ever spent your whole life being compared to someone? Someone close, someone you truly care about? _

_Have you ever spent your whole life having your every move, your every action, your every accomplishment, scrutinised and judged?_

_Have you ever, possibly, been told, straight to your face, that you can't ever hope to measure up to your big brother?_

_Well, I have…_

My father left us when I was 5. My dear mother tried to console me as best as she could. Every day I would wait, full of hope, for him to come back through that front door. But he never did.

My mother told me that it was nothing I had done, that it was not my fault that he had left. She always tried to reinforce that point, as though if she said it enough times, I could stop the nagging swirling thoughts that leaped into my mind the moment I laid down to sleep every night.

One time, I saw her break down. Ragged sobs permitted the air as she just lay there, sobbing on the bed that they had shared together for so many years. I stood in the doorway, just watching her for a moment, clutching my toy rabbit to my chest, my hazel eyes round. Then I went over and did the only thing I knew, the only thing I thought would help my poor mum at that point. Quietly padding over, I climbed up onto the bed, dragging the huge rabbit with me along the floor. Crawling up to her, I sat down beside her, watching her cry, patting her hair gently, while whispering "Mummy, it'll be ok, Mummy. I promise."

Ah, how sweet and innocent the world seems through 5 year old eyes. How naïve I was, promising this to her, so sure of myself, so sure that if I wished it enough times, it would come true. But I guess, in a way, my promise to her did come true…

Many years later, I found out that she had been right when she'd told me that it wasn't my fault, that they hadn't been getting along for a couple of years. My dad left us and ran off with his secretary. To this day, I still have an evident dislike for secretaries.

Towards the November after my biological father left us, Mum met Jake Speedle. And that is where my story begins. Because whether I liked it or not, that November was the one that started it all. That November was the one that changed my life and was worth remembering. Because that November is when Tim Speedle forever came into my life/


	2. Chapter 2

I'd seen Tim Speedle around the school before, but I never talked to him, being three years younger, and hanging in a different circle to him.

Tim was one of those people who was loved by everyone, even without trying. He had something about him that simply demanded respect; whether you wanted to give it to him or not was a completely different matter.

As Mum and Jake began to spend more and more time together, I began to get less perfect in her eyes. She would take tiny jabs at me, seemingly trivial things, like how Tim could do a certain thing better than me, or that he was getting better grades, even though I was pretty much top of my class and was venomously hated for it. I don't think she did it intentionally – she just started to compare Tim and me as true brothers, but I hated I could never measure up.

To Tim though, I was the perfect little brother, in every way. After being ultra-wary of me at first, he took a shine to me and I became his official brother in his eyes, blood-related or not.

Every day after school, he'd be waiting for me at the door to my classroom, usually still puffing from the sprint he'd made across the school grounds. We'd walk together to his place, chatting about all sorts of nonsense, as he sent death glares at the bullies that daily waited at the school gate in the chance that I'd be alone.

As we'd get to his place, he'd make me a snack as I began my homework. I loved his snacks – they were always slightly unusual, but always tasty. When I'd ask him where he learnt the recipes, he'd laugh and tell me about a foreign girl he knew who taught him. He seemed to know a lot of foreign girls, it seemed.

Tim was my protector and best friend, and I loved him dearly. We became inseparable, and have been until this day.

Little did I know that my perfect world was about to be shattered yet again.


	3. Chapter 3

Tim had told us the news that he was moving away to college a couple days ago. It shocked us, for we all thought he'd be attending a college somewhere close. But it turned out he'd planned it all a long time ago, while keeping us in the dark, and was about to move out in a weeks time.

I couldn't believe it. My role-model and friend was about to be moved away from me again, not to be seen again.

I stood at the door to his room, watching as he packed the last box. It was so weird to see all of his possessions packed up like that. His whole life, all the memories, all simply packed up in boxes, ready to be moved to some dorm at university.

"You can't leave me here! Not by myself," I protested, tears streaming down my face, although I unsuccessfully tried to stop them.

"Ry, please don't make this harder than it is. Please," Tim pleaded wearily.

"No! It's not fair!" I shut the door so they wouldn't hear my yells. "I won't make it with her! If she was horrible when you were here, then she'll be positively Nazi-like!" I couldn't help but stomp my foot. "Don't you even care what happens to me?"

Tim sighed, rubbing a hand across his eyes, then turned away, going to rummage in some box. I should've hated him, but I couldn't. I never could have hated him.

Finally, he produced a small jewelry box, and handed it to me. Suspiciously I opened it, and inside lay a small silver watch. "It's for you lil bro. Something to remember me when I'm gone…"

My mouth dropped, my hazel eyes hardly taking all this in. "It…It must've cost a fortune…" I managed finally.

Tim gave a laugh. "Nah… And I couldn't leave without a present for you, could I?"

"It's…wonderful. Thank you…"

With a smile, the first one I'd seen in days, he pulled me into a bear-hug. "You can visit any time you want. Even every weekend if you so wish…" he murmured in my ear. "Just don't bring your girlfriend up." This got a laugh from me.

As we pulled apart, he looked at me intently. "Just hang in there. You'll be outta here soon. No matter what she says, or anyone else says, you are smart Ry, and you're awesome don't forget that…" He paused, and then added, "And if things ever get rough, you know the number. Call and I'll be there."

The next year was a blur. Mum, upset at Tim's leave, became unbearable. The house now had two modes – angry, filled with yells and arguments, or a deathly stony silence.

I threw myself into studying, managing to get put up a year. But that didn't please her. I could never prove myself to here.

One night, I finally packed my bag and ran. I didn't care where I was going, just as long as it was far away from here. I hated everything back there. Hated the fact that my own mother could turn so much against me, her own flesh and blood.

Screw them all, I decided, running faster and faster, my bag slamming hard against my back, my sneakers making hardly any noise on the cement.

Finally, I just collapsed, and lay on the side of the road, gasping for breath. The stars above me twinkled in the night sky, oblivious to the problems of the people living below them.

Where would I go? I couldn't go back home, couldn't even go to my girlfriend's place. Sorry, ex-girlfriend. Finally I got out my phone and dialed an all-too-familiar number.

I hadn't wanted to do this, hadn't wanted to burden all my troubles on him, but I had no choice.

"Hello?"

"Tim…It's me… Can you pick me up? I'm in a lot of trouble. Please…"

And just like all those years ago, he was still my protector. In that aspect, nothing changed…


	4. Chapter 4

"My, look at what the cat dragged in. And from Patrol too," Tim smirked. It was weird seeing him after all these years. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to see if Lieutenant Caine will hire me," he replied with a shrug.

The older male was speechless. "You're…you're kidding, right?"

Ryan gave a slight smile. "Oh yeah totally. You know what a huge joker I am…"

Tim gave a snort. "I didn't even know you were back in Miami. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I figured you had your own life by now. Figured you didn't want me to come in and mess it up again…"

Tim shook his head, a slight smile on his face. "You could never mess my life up. We're family. We gotta stick together…"

Ryan couldn't help but smile. "Yeah, I guess."

"Look, I gotta run, but I'll see you later. Good luck…"

"Team, I'd like you to meet our new CSI, Mr Wolfe…" Horatio said to his team. "He's come up from Patrol, so some of you guys may know him from various scenes…"

Eric and Tim exchanged glances. Patrol officers weren't often remembered, since there was always so many; it just got hard keeping a track of them all. Tim was still smirking at the 'Mr Wolfe' part.

"So, Ryan, today you'll be working with Eric…" The redhead turned to the Cuban. "The car's waiting for you in the garage…"

Calleigh didn't look too pleased to hear this, though she tried to hide it. After all, the car to be processed was her father's, as he was the main suspect in a hit-and-run.

But being the Southern Belle that she was, she gave a polite smile, and replied. "Nice to meet you Ryan… Tim, I'll meet you in the evidence locker…"

Ryan could instantly tell the team weren't all that pleased to have him there.

It looked like they were all close to each other, sort of like a small CSI family, and they didn't seem too pleased at his arrival. But then, what else was new?

He hoped these guys would actually come to accept him. Horatio was right, he had seen them around, and they all seemed like really cool people. And for once, he craved to belong. If not anywhere else, then here.

As he sat in the locker room at the end of his shift, he ruminated on the events of this day. He really hoped he'd proved himself, at least somewhat. His crime scene processing skills had definitely surprised Calleigh and Eric, although the latter was still mistrusting towards his new colleague.

"So…_Mr Wolfe_…" a voice smirked from the doorway. "How was your first day?"

Even without looking up he knew who it was. "It was fine. Mr Speedle."

Tim sauntered up and went to look through his locker. "I see you went back to your original surname then."

"Well, I couldn't go around being Ryan Speedle, could I?" Ryan retorted. "Even if those two did get married…"

Tim grinned at this. "Oh you were such an adorable ring-bearer," he teased, thinking back on the memory. "All dressed up, and oh so serious…"

"You tell anyone that here, and I shall kill you," Ryan replied with a smile.

"Your own surname suits you better…" Tim stated, pulling on his jacket.

"I didn't want to go around in your shadow again…" Ryan said after a moment.

"Or be known as 'Speed's baby brother'…" Tim grinned, pulling out his helmet.

Ryan's eyes grew wide, "Don't tell me you still have that same old motorbike?" he asked, referring to Tim's first bike.

Tim gave a chuckle. "That old thing? No way. Although that was a pretty cool college graduation gift…"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "All I got was a suit. I think that was Mum's subtle hint to try and get an office job instead…"

Tim couldn't help but laugh. "Come take a ride with me. I've got a spare helmet…"

It took Ryan only a moment to make up his mind – he's always liked Speed's bike.

As the two left, they didn't notice that someone had come in the middle of their conversation. Putting his glasses on, and leaving the room, Horatio smiled to himself.

Ryan was definitely going to be an interesting addition to the team.


End file.
